“What a slut time is. She screws everybody.”

“ The Devil is real. And he’s not a little red man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful. ‘Cause he’s a fallen angel, and he used to be God’s favorite.

“

You lost her.
And now she lights up the night-time sky for her new lover cause he recognized her as the moon.

And you envy him. She could’ve been your moon, but you were too busy chasing the dimly lit stars.

“ A part of me wants you in the most innocent way possible: taking off your shoes in my bedroom, climbing under the sheets and watching whatever’s in my Netflix queue, barely even touching as we talk about our days until we fall asleep with our clothes still on.

But another, hungrier part of me wants you unbuttoning your shirt before you’re completely through my door, falling onto my bed, and scrambling to make your fingers unbutton my shirt faster, your mouth shaking out my name the entire time.

“

1. Learn to put on your bracelets and zip up your dresses by yourself. There will be times when you will be alone.
   
2. Get on a long plane ride. Look out the window. Understand the immensity of our world. Understand your insignificance. Understand your absolute importance.
   
3. Press the send button. If you don’t say it now, you never will.
   
4. Do not sneer at happiness or roll your eyes at sadness. Be aware that apathy is not healthy.
   
5. You are more than the amount of people who want to have sex with you.
   
6. That pit in your stomach when he doesn’t text you back, it shouldn’t be there. No one should be able to control you like that.
   
7. Shopping is cathartic. Buy the shoes and deal with one-ply toilet paper for a while.
   
8. It will get better, but it will never be perfect. Learn to live through the small moments of happiness. When they disappear, remember they will resurface.
   
9. I promise that cookie will not change anything (except that it will make you smile).
   
10. Please, please, take care of yourself. You are everything to somebody. You are everything to your self. That alone is enough.

“

She will cry. She will cry over you like there is no tomorrow, until her throat is raw and her hair a mess. Her screams will echo through the walls and there will be nothing beautiful about it.

She will tear out the pages of her diary that she dedicated to you and swear your name will never again appear on the crisp pages that are so important to her. But two days later the words won’t come and she’ll find herself scrawling your name over and over until the ink blurs and merges with her tears.

She will curse you and curse herself and curse the skies for everything and nothing. There will be days when the sun shines but all she will see is rain and clouds, and days when she won’t see anything at all.

And fuck. She will love you even though her heart is breaking because she gave you a part of herself that you refuse to return.

But know this, she will also learn to forget you, so when she walks by in two months time, laughing and smiling without a care in the world, you will wonder how she slipped through your fingers, and she won’t care.

Not one single bit.

“

0:12am

The eyeliner streaks on my face make me look a bit like the joker. I don’t mind this particularly. Maybe now people will stop asking if I’m okay.

0:54am

It’s raining outside. I think perhaps even the skies are crying for you. Can you hear them?

1:38 am

I threw that bear you gave me across the room and one of his button eyes fell off. I think that broke my heart more than you leaving.

2:46am

My mother says she is concerned for my mental health. I am laughing, a little too loudly, and telling her I am fine. I don’t tell her I am worried too.

3:10am

I played my music a little too loudly and woke the entire house. I’ve been told to get a grip. This song reminds me of you.

4:17am

I am exhausted, but not from sleep deprivation. I am exhausted from feeling too much and not feeling enough. My lungs are collapsing and I wish I could stop clutching at empty spaces as though they were your hands.

5:49 am

I have so much left to tell you and the walls are terrible listeners. But at least they won’t leave. Come to think of it, they are better listeners than you ever were.

6:13 am

It’s almost light. I am going to watch the sunrise by myself and perhaps today I won’t feel so pathetic. Perhaps this is me finally getting over you. Yeah. You never deserved me anyway. Screw you.

7:45am

Well, that was a stupid thought. Come back. Please come back. I swear we can start over and pretend this never happened. We can do everything again and this time it will work, I promise.

8:00am

Oh god. You’re not coming back are you?

“ I’ve survived a lot of things, and I’ll probably survive this.

“ I’m sad and I want to have a lot of sex.